I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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