you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
