I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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