I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
