help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
