Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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