The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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