he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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