Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
