Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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