new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
