will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
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Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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