3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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