hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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