Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We need to get me chipped asap
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