I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
