a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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