I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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