barbara walters just said penis...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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