I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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