whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
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