I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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