My room smells like vodka and shame
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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