First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what day is it and did you see me today?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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