The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
