I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We need a shit load of segways right now
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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