fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
