don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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