i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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