Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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