First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
