im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize