My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
