I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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