So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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