Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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