I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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