She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
