finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
