I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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