Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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