I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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