Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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