Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
