i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
