What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
