I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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