Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
