omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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