can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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