I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
