so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
