Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Two words: nipple clamps
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