I accidentally burped into my bong.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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