Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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