I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
