Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is my gift to your gina
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
