Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Randomize
