On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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