Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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