If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
