he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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