got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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