you would pick up someone in the library
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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