i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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