I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
