Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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