he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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