why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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