Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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