I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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