you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
