Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
