He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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