quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
