i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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