I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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